(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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