You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
