you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
