1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm just crazy horny about you
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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