This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
