we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize