We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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