SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
