last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
