I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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