I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
