A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
