i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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