Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
