From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize