I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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