never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
