Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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