she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
