YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
