omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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