she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
you had me at cake vodka
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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