the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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