she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize