his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
