I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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