I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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