Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
