ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
