I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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