we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
