in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
