Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he fucked my hip out of place.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize