hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
