After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
