You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
