mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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