her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
