in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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