I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
