Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
