yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It's blow job season.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
