well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
