k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
