I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
