i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
