Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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