can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
