I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
