It's Friday. Sex?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize