you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
