woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he puts the penis in happiness.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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