so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
