He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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