im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
