i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
