I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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