That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
