would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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