My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
