What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
