I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize